Monday

September 19, 2011

A boy clad in blue with a hat on his head sits alone. On a boat in a wave-less sea he sits.

Lightning strikes and the waves rise to towering heights. He looks up and is frightened. But above it all he sees an eagle and at the sight of the great bird, the waves are frozen in time. Everything is still.

The boat does not rock or move. It stays. The noise of the storm remains but it does not affect the boat anymore. All the same, the sight of the giant waves scares him.

Again, he looks up. Now there are vultures circling. Their eyes are red and hungry for blood. They have a look in their eyes with a daunting threat saying: you are mine; we’ve eaten a friend, a father, and a mentor.

Yet, higher still he knows, the eagle remains––its glory like the sun, its majesty like no other.

He fumbles on a red ribbon tied on his arm and unties it. He holds his hands out, firmly griping on the ribbon. And with a tear in his eye releases it–allowing it to be lost in the waves that surround him.

The ribbon slowly sinks to the bottom of the black unmoving sea. He watches as it is lost in the darkness…

Black Hole

Here's another one from last year.

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There is a black hole in the deepest depths of my soul

Slowly suffocating my very liveliness

With common acquaintances, a long-sensed vacancy I try to occupy...

But the gesture comes to no avail.

Yes, I do know.

And I do try to reach up...

Though the speech that is meant to reach the unreachable

Is only but diverted back;

Pulled not only by gravity

But also by the hurts and let-downs

That eat up the very core of my mimicked identity

Kings and poets, heroes and heroines

Martyrs and saints, captives, no-bodies

All speak of an undying Love; the undying Love

I say: I do believe, I do believe.

Yet, why is it that the throbbing pain is still felt so frequently? Why are so many of my sleepless nights filled with despair and loneliness?

Oh, God of Heaven, Ruler of the seas

Creator of the skies, Maker of the universe,

You are Love, that's who you are...

A friend and shepherd, the best there is

A lover and a father, I need you to

Be close to me forever, please

Do not allow this mere collection of roughly ordered words

Remain as they are

Let them reach your very heart,
I pray

That you set your eyes on me.

Please do not, I beg, turn Your face away.

With even just your littlest finger,

touch me; hold me... a little bit closer

That I may taste again, feel once more, 

Your comforting, fulfilling Love.

'I am here' You say: 'I am here.

'I will never leave you nor forsake You'

I am not worthy, I say

But You love me anyway

This promise is old; ancient it is.

But still You say: 'I will never change.

'I am the same yesterday, today and forever.'

Can this be true? Oh, can this be true?

That he will stay no matter what

When all is faint and all is lost

When troubles come and triumphs go,

Will He still remain?

Yes.

He will.

 

A Daydreamer's Question (One)

 Q: Would you rather live till the age of 50 or 250 (or 205 *I had a typo while asking a bunch*)?

I don't really know why I'm asking this question.

It's just one of them random things that I think about.

Would I rather die early at, probably, the peak of my life (Well, 40 is probably the peak of life); at the time when I'd probably have my first grandchild? Would I rather choose to die when I most-likely will finally have enough money to live like no one else and travel like no one else and eat like no one else??

OR

Would I rather die late at, probably, the end of the pop culture (Well, the pop culture is already so different now from what it was ten years ago. And at this rate, I highly doubt that I'd be able to comprehend the slang and jargon of teens in two-hundred years. LMAO. *I had to google the meaning of that one*); at the time when the existence of my very own teeth would seem a distant memory? Would I rather choose to die when most--let me say that again--all, of my loved ones would have pasted, a.k.a died??

Honestly, I don't really know.
The mere thought of me choosing when I'd die is scary. What if I die at the age of fifty but I was actually meant to discover a vaccine at the age of fifty-one? And as a result, the vaccine was instead discovered five years later after thousands of unnecessary deaths. (Although, it is highly unlikely that I discover a vaccine for some disease. But, you never really know right?)

George Clooney is aged 51

Or what if I didn't die when I was supposed to at the age of eighty-three? And because I didn't die, I didn't inspire a certain individual who would've, in response to my death, started a revolution that would've changed the world?

eHhhEhe... this is my mind running wild right here.


"If I were to find my ultimate true soul mate, I'd live till I was 205" That's what Danny said when I asked him if he'd rather die at fifty or two-hundred-five. Pretty interesting if you ask me. I would too if I had someone to share all those long years with. Though, he'd have to explain to me what he meant by "soul mate" (Ha ha ha, you're really the romantic aren't you?)

 A few other answers I got:
Bea Fabregas answered "205 is way too long :| and 50 is way too short! but 205 as long as i'm healthy and not this useless old person that sits all day"
And I love Neal Jordan's response: "depends.. do I get to keep my body as it was a 21 year old? :P"
Haha dude, I should've known! Of course, you'd wanna be Forever 21. Anyway, who wouldn't? =p

The ageless Mister Dorian Gray from Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray"

(I had fun reading this book, fyi.)

My favorite answer though was the answer Nicole YSP gave me. "If by living to 250, the aging process slows down, then definitely 250. But then again, I get so caught up in things like the scary end times and wonder if I'd rather skip that as an old woman, so maybe 50, and I would be driven to accomplish more, have a tragic death, and live on in legacy. "

After reading that, I finally decided that, if I had to choose, I'd rather live till fifty. And also if I knew that I was dying so early, I would drive myself to make the most of my time here, and as she said, accomplish more and have a "tragic" (I would pray for at least a peaceful death since I was dying so early, haha) death and live on in legacy.

That would be a good way to go if you ask me. Living on in legacy is probably the most that the lot of us could ask for. But, again, it would only be worth-it to die that early if we made a big enough impact to live on in legacy. And fact being, only a small handful of us would ever achieve such an honor to live on in legacy.

(Oh, I just remembered that the King of Pop died at the age of 50.)

Yet even if the chances of me living on in legacy are quite slim, I'd rather die early solely for the reason that I would drive myself to make everyday a day to remember. I would cherish my love one's ever more dearly. And I would put a great deal more thought into things.

All in all, death is not a pleasant thought. And I, just like you, would put off that thought for as long as possible. I just amuse myself with these random daydreams and wonder what I would do differently if I only had fifty years to live. I sometimes play around with the thought and pretend that I had a mere month left. Who would I hang out with? Where would I go? What would my priorities be??

As we all know, death is not something we could escape from; it's inevitable. And although we cannot choose when we die (unless of course, we take matters into our own hands, suicide for example), we can choose how we live.

And to me, living like there were no next year, or no next month, or even no tomorrow as the expression goes, seems like the way to go. I'd rather make the most of my time here on Earth than to always procrastinate and put things off as if there were always going to be a tomorrow. Well, 'cause for one thing, there'll come a time when there is no tomorrow, and heck, I wanna make my life count.

Here are the other answers I got:
(ha ha, it's fun to see how some people react to the question)

• "OMG @_@ 250... I'd rather be 250 but that would be so sad. Haha." - Nina Peña
• "Hmmmmm... So either die young or live to be as old as the people in the bible??? Well I'd rather live to 250 for as long as I'll die with the strength of a 50 year old. hehe" - Lalli Kier  
• "HAHAHAHA next question please :P" - Maan Villanueva
• "250. I don't have a good reason." - Elle Battung
• "50. 250 would be too much for me. :) " - Josh Fish
• 50. I'd rather not see the people I love die. Too heart breaking. - Elle Cabiling
• 50. im not sure my body would be any use after the age of 100 up haha - Tony Kelly
• woah DIFFICULT. It's either, miss seeing your kids grown up, or outlive them by a century.  - Rachel Louis
• Maybe 50 :)) - Marlo Acosta
• 50 =P 205 is kinda long. =D - Jason Lyne
• That was soooo random. :))
• 50 nalang but i wont claim it cos i wanna live till i see my grandchildren :D :D just for blogging's sake :) id rather 50 dude than 205... daymmm i wont even have friends alive na (anymore) hahah - Jem Ferrer
• tough one man... id say 205 but Id rather die earlier than live for a few years as a vege :P - the rest of Neal Jordan's
• Hmmm... good question. 205. But i would not own a mirror. :) You? - Marielle Fabregas

I asked more of you, but I finished this blog before you could reply! I'll post your answers here when you reply! :)

A 250-year-old mummy at Sumapima Village of Baliem Valley 

--

Ask Me Anything via Formspring.me

I just randomly asked the people I follow on Formspring.me and the people I saw on my Hompage in Facebook.com and the people at the top of my head. If you want me to ask you these random questions too, either get a formspring.me account and let me know you have one or just message me so whenever I come up with these random questions, I'd ask you too.
Anyway, I'm a nice guy, really. (Haha! Right Nina?)

New pictures.

This is my balog entry, a.k.a. my blog entry, for today.

(Sorry, only Elle would get that)

The Sound Board

Today. What can I say about today?

I woke up late then took note of my mental-note-to-self "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day" after which I got myself a bowl of cereal.

Aside from playing lego with Sabina, nothing much happened.

At first I wanted this to be my sort-of "journal". Don't think that would work out as I can't seem to get myself to write what I really feel and think.

I started reading "Anne Frank: The Diary of A Young Girl". I saw it on the "2nd Item at 50% OFF" rack in the bookstore and without even thinking, impulsively as you would say, I bought it. The second book that I got at half price was Roald Dahl's "Danny the Champion of the World". I was hoping that Sabina, my sister, would take fancy and read it. Instead, she said it looked, looks, boring and won't even bother trying to read it. Fail. I did want to read anyway. So it wasn't a total waste.

Anyhow, Anne Frank's story is so... interesting. I haven't finished it yet (and I don't think I'll ever finish it) but... man, I can't even imagine being in her shoes, experiencing what she experienced. She disappeared, or went into hiding, when she was thirteen; she was in hiding till she was fifteen and she passed before she was even sixteen.

Back to me writing a journal: I don't think I can write like her at all, haha. It's so intriguing reading her 'letters' because before she was in the Secret Annex and her first year or so, you can tell she's still a girl. But as time passes, her entries become more complex and her thought patterns change drastically. She had to grow up all of a sudden. In a way, her childhood was stolen from her.

Kind-of like Hit Girl from "Kick-Ass". I don't recommend you to watch it. But just to say, I loved it.

[It's a pity that Chloë Moretz is so young. But six years ain't that bad, right? Eh, it is bad, Joe]

Mindy Macready, aka HitGirl, Chloë Moretz's character in the movie, was also deprived of a childhood.

I realized that so many kids these days must be deprived of a childhood. So many of us probably had to grow up right away.

Anyway, I can't really write as well as Anne Frank.
To all young girls in your tweens, I suggest you read the book; you'll find that you're not alone.

Even for a guy, some... a lot, of the things that she went through (in areas of identity especially) I can identify with.

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Shifting gears, remember that film camera I bought? The one that had an underwater case too? Well, I finally develop (had it developed) my first roll.

The first picture in this entry is from that same roll.

Here are more:

Sabina. I love it!

We had to do this shot twice. I forgot to wind it up and I had to ask her to swim towards me again, hehe.

Luis, front flip.

Note: keep your fingers away from the lens and hold the camera properly. heh.

Sabina's doing the Brother Eddie pose.

And lastly, the sun and our backyard.

"Midnight At The Oasis...

...sing your camel to bed."

Alright, show of hands, who knows that song? If you do, you're cool. Now, if you don't... eh, please go and search it up on YouTube. But for all, both those who know it and those who don't alike, search Renee Olstead's version. ahhh, I love Renee Olstead!

I wasn't allowed to embed the Youtube video, so here's a link instead.

So, that was just really random. I was supposed to title this one "Midnight". Simply because it is midnight and I was just gonna make this one short. Buuutt, me being me, I ended up singing that song "Midnight at the oasis... ". Great, just great.

For those of you who read my last post concerning my terrible tooth ache, also known as my 'mouth misery', you'd be happy to be informed that the pain is gone. Yes that is right, I sat under Dr Lim Wooi Teong's bright, blinding white light and smelt his elastic gloves; I tasted his nasty silver tools, listened to his foreign tongue give orders to the dainty little nurse and endured; Alas, I have survived the Dentist's chair! (Although, I walked out of the Penang Dental Surgery clinic with two fillings filling up one cavity on one of my lower-right molars--but, proof of victory, like a trophy, I'd like to think of them, hehe)

 Cute picture I found here.

I wish all problems were just like tooth aches caused by cavities. You have them one day, and after a much-needed trip to the dentist where he digs the nasty stuff out and fills it in with the good stuff, the pain is gone. (Unless of course you have your teeth pulled out or... get braces then that's a different story.) Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I hope that we could cramp up all the hurts and pains of life into a short period of time, say for a couple of minutes, an hour or even a few days. And after that allotted time, the hurts and problems, pains and grieves that were meant to last us a really long time disappear. But we all know that just doesn't happen. A great chunk of our problems take months to solve, and most of our pains take years to heal.


Say, kind'a like the X-men's Wolverine's special ability to heal rapidly. He still feels the pain but the wound and/or injury is soon gone since he heals with exponential speed! Now if only I could heal that quick! Physically and more importantly emotionally!

From ComicBookMovie

While I was sitting in that chair, the dentist's chair, and tried to distract myself from the pain by listening to the hushed chatter of the people outside, I thought of the different pains people go through and how long it usually takes for them to recover. I thought of those who never are able to recover. And silently, I wished upon my imaginary star, and prayed a silent prayer that we could all possess the mutant Logan's special abilities. But, I know that life isn't that easy; not all tooth problems are as simple as a cavity: some of them go down so deep, it takes several visits before the doc can take all the foul out.

All in all, I'm glad my tooth problem was just a cavity. An easy-to-solve cavity problem.

aghh, I apologize, I wanted this blog to have more... content-- more meaning, ha ha. But what can I say, a blog is a blog and blogs equal nonsense!

Update! My mom and Jenny are away for the night. It's Victory Weekend!
Jonathan is in Taiwan. My dad is in the U.S. of A.
So that leaves Luis, Sabina and me. We are at home and we just watched Matrix Revolution. Haa, Matrix is so good. I'm appreciating it so much more now. I'm gonna have to watch the previous two movies again some time soon. Who wants to join me?

The Matrix (1999), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), & The Matrix Revolutions (also 2003)

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Website to visit today: http://www.tripadvisor.com/ --> TripAdvisor provides recommendations for hotels, resorts, inns, vacations, travel packages, vacation packages, travel guides and lots more. TRAVEL, TRAVEL, TRAVEL!

漂亮的圣心大教堂 From Review: 时 尚之都 历史之都 on Apr 2010, (A DaoDao Member) 

I advise that you subscribe for their newsletters! They send you lists of the worst or best hotels and travel spots with pictures and links. hihi Travel lust.

Tooth Ache.

I have a cavity. Yes, I do. AHhh, it hurts even now... Sorry, you probably didn't need or more like want to know that. But there it is, out in the open, he he.

Ah! I'm looking forward to my trip to the dentist. I know most people hate the dentist, but I would love to sit under his tools and light and gloves and all sorts of nasty smelling medicines and stuff right now.  I just can't wait for him to finish up and finally let me gargle the foul stuff away! Then, I can eat in peace. And SLEEP! Ha, ha, ha, so enough about that *in Rex Navarete's voice and accent: "But enough about me"*

No, I take that back; more about me! I just swam with Sabina and Luis and snapped some pictures with my new camera. (If you don't know which camera I'm talking about check my previous post--I posted a picture). The weather was actually perfect for a swim: the sun was high in the sky, the wind fancied a soft gentle breeze and the birds sang overhead. The fountain was running, splashing as it does all the time and the water, not as clean as I would want it to be, was very refreshing.

Today started late for me, 11.am to be precise. My mom was in the room when I woke and Jonathan was all packed and ready to go. I hurriedly, yet thoroughly, washed my face, brushed my teeth and got dressed. We then, along with Sabina, headed to the airport to send Jon off to Taiwan (Yes Jun, the land of the 'lalas' he he!). He'll be there for about a week. It's a school trip and he'll be doing all sorts of tourist-y things with the rest of his course mates. They'll have to write several reports on the trip, I think. Hee, unfair. Laugh out loud.

After the airport, went to the grocery with my mom, then picked Luis up from school. Finally got hom before four. (ah, my tooth hurts, again.)

So that's today.

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It has been six months since I graduated from High School. Yes, six months.
I'm starting to feel that I must start doing something again (hence the blogging, haha). Yes, I did work the whole month of January for Patric Chan, but I feel... feel like I'm slowly wasting away.

I may be over exaggerating, but at times, that is what I feel. Dad's been in the US since early last month (4th March) and he'll be back next week (1st May). And as I've mentioned, I'm not yet studying (and not working) so I've been home all this while; doing nothing in particular save watch videos, read books and play with Sabina (my younger sister by ten years).

I've been asking God (Yes, I do believe in a higher power, heheh) why I've been just doing nothing. But recently, I've come to realize that me being at home all this while, I guess, was mainly to keep my mom company and to help her out with the daily stresses of home, ha ha. I'm sure there's more to it than that, but I'm content with that reason for now. Aside from waiting for the His perfect time, there's nothing much I can do but be content and make the most of my time.

Well there you go, that's my blog entry for today. I don't know if you people will really read this and take interest in this ramble, haha. But according to your comments, my life ain't, probably, that boring eh?


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Today's highlight:


http://poetzerofilm.com/ --> Having a hard time transforming your ideas to a tangible piece of art? This site is an attempt by several different poets and artists to provide a helpful resource for filmmakers, musicians, photographers, actors, playwrights, and poets. Read more about this site here.

This is it!

I've been contemplating for the longest time whether I should blog or not. To blog or not? To blog or not? TO DO IT?! OR NOTT. DO IT?? OR???

But really, I knew I always wanted to do it. My biggest enemy was my very own laziness and... yeah, really it's my laziness that I must fight!

If you know me, I'm not really lazy-- I'm a pretty hardworking guy. No, really. Ok fine, you got me: I am a lazy person. But hey, here I am blogging about nothing in particular.

I've decided to just use this blog (stuckat12.blogspot.com) instead of making a new one all together. Decided that there's no use in making a new one if I already had one. Decided "Stuck At Twelve" was a good enough blog name already. Decided that there's no use in trying to rack my brain for a new blog name and title. Also, finally decided that I can create a newer/better blog with a smarter name than "Stuck At Twelve" in the future when I figure what that new/better name will be, right? He he he, simple as that.

For those of you wondering, "Why 'Stuck At Twelve'"? There's a simple explanation to that question. The title of my blog is stuck at twelve because I initially just wanted to fill this blog with nonsense. And clearly, if you browse carefully, it is full of nonsense. I was thinking in the line of 'Peter Pan' and 'not growing up' if you haven't gotten the gist of it yet.

Although I am not encouraging the idea of not growing up and being "stuck at twelve", instead I am encouraging you to keep that inner child! Don't fully grow out of it. Don't fully think straight. Don't fully be bound by limitations and society. Do not fully be serious. Most importantly, DO NOT FORGET HOW TO DREAM!!

So that's basically why I chose the name "Stuck At Twelve"-- I don't want to be fully grown-up!

And you too, keep imagining. Don't fully grow up and forget what it's like to dream... aight?

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Before I go, you should check out tumblr.com. If you haven't yet and have no idea what it is, Tumblr basically allows you to share ANYTHING. Be it music, quotes, videos, links, and of course, pictures. You can share whatever you find in the internet (yours or not) or you could share some of your own stuff.

In tumblr.com/about, it says:

Tumblr lets you effortlessly share anything. Post text, photos, quotes, links, music, and videos, from your browser, phone, desktop, email, or wherever you happen to be. You can customize everything, from colors, to your theme's HTML.

You can "follow" other users and browse through what they think is cool. Check mine out here josetonio.tumblr.com .

A few users you should undoubtedly check out are:

lookbookdotnu.tumblr.com --> if you're a fassionista or wannabe fassionista, male or female, follow this blog! It's a collection of the raddest looks from lookbook.nu users.

hollywoodinblackandwhite.tumblr.com --> Absolutely love Hollywood? This blog is dedicated to the beauty and glamour of our idols and crushes! BUT in black and white.


threeneilsaday.tumblr.com --> Expand your imagination! Check out the art and many works of Neil Gaiman. This collection includes quotes from Gaiman's books and comics as well as independent individuals' interpretations his work through various means.

There ARE HUNDREDS of sites you could 'follow'. Just get started by signing up here. Then, visit a site, mine for example, then click on the "Follow" button on the top-right corner of the page. Once you are following the site, their posts will appear on your dashboard! See, that was easy wasn't it?

Alright, I guess that's it for now. On a side note though, I got myself a waterproof film camera. Yellow.

Can not wait to actually start using it underwater! I bought it from the Singaporean brand "4skin" or "FourSkin" in Gurney, 3rd floor new wing (near Switch). A terrible name if you ask me, cool stuff nonetheless.

Far Away

I heard a story once, a truly splendid tale it was,
Of lost dreams and forgotten memories, over-grown dwarfs and mischief nymphs.

This legend, heard from the whisper of an angel, told of a castle nestled way up in the sky.
A citadel with four looming towers disappeared like the mist.

It's keeper was a peculiar little fellow dressed in purple. A single violet robe, orange sandals and a tall wizard's hat was all this petite young faun modeled.

When darkness reigned, stowed away behind the colossal diamond doors, a princess would remain...

Is there a right way in doing this?

I always wondered how people could just write about how they felt, allowing all to read. It's like writing a journal, but opening it up and showing the general public what your deepest secrets were. Wasn't a journal suppose to be personal? Something that you, and only you (and a few of your "closest" friends in grade school, or even high school), would read...

Well, here I am: blogging!

I guess this isn't really gonna be my "public journal". I have a hard time writing really long and personal stuff... but we'll see how this goes, ha ha.

Well for starters, I love fantasy stuff. I try to write my own, but, he he, you be the judge in that.

Like most other fantasy readers, I love the thought of super-humanity. The idea of being, not normal. I like adventure, deep meanings in details, and well-put plots. I like it when you look at the small picture and it's already very interesting, and you get a feeling of just wanting to stay there. But then when you zoom out to see the even bigger picture, there's more to it and you can't just stay in that small detail anymore. You thought that it was enough, but now there's even more to it than you ever dreamed of. I love good authors who can put so many little details that contribute to the main plot. A plot that has so much meaning into it.

I also love stories where the characters are so human, so ordinary and so stereotypical yet there's something about them that would make them... un-human. Usually they were born with that "something special" and it only manifested now. Or more times than not, it was bestowed on them by someone or something greater than the normal individual one would find shopping in the mall (or walking in the street, but I'm trying to be "up-to-date", you see)


I, like most people, love it when there are also those that are just so inhuman, so out-of-this-world, and they are people we can just never be. These are our typical superheroes. Superman, for example or Legolas the elf.


The problem with reading too much of this though, I end up spending a great deal of my time day-dreaming and wishing that I had that special something in me too. Dreaming that someone would knock on the front door randomly and say that they needed me for a dangerous mission that only I could do, or that I wasn't really a human, but an elf from an alternate world. Or even, that I would find out and discover that I had super powers and would use it to defeat some evil vilan. 

I also catch myself wishing that I was born in another time; a time where knights and dragons had duals. A time where kings ruled and princesses were as beautiful as ever. A time when evil step mothers dictated, and swords were the means of fighting. (This is why my blog is called "Stuck at Twelve", ha ha)

Why is this so, though? Why do we all (or maybe just me) dream of such things... things that are not normal. Hoping and wishing with all our birthday candles, coins, and shooting stars that there were something more.

I've come to the conclusion that it's what we're made of that's to be blamed... our cells, DNA, and our souls.

You didn't think that you were just an accident of evolution did you? What a useless life you would have if that were so. What's the use of defeating evil and dreaming, and accomplishing, and creating and destroying if that were the case?

It's what and who we are that gives us the craving to want more. The feeling of wanting to be great.

But who am I to be great?

Who are you to be great?

Photo 1: Water World By: ChOpaK
Photo 2: Your Savior By: Hash
Written by: Jose A Henson

Just For A Moment

Clock ticking. Time flying by.
Plans being made. Expectations to meet.
Things to be completed. Deadlines to meet.
I just ain't strong enough. I don't got what it takes.


I need a break. Even Just for a while.
A time to relax; breathe
There must be a fountain... flowing with rest.
Even for a moment, I'd give a lot.

Just for a moment; just for a moment.

Photography: Just For a Moment
By: Jose A Henson
Written by: Jose A Henson